Pakistan Vs. India: Match Made in Heaven

A famous scientist, Mr Gawking, undertook a study to discover the best way to keep a multicultural and racist nation united. His theory was that the religion of Islam kept the people closely tied together, but like all great scientists, he had to validate this claim with proof first. It was the year 2011 and lucky for him, he didn't have to work too hard, for results were right there on television, with a cable subscription fee of $70.00, he had discovered The ICC World Cup 2011! Yes, bigger, better and blacker (Indians were reported to have spent a whopping 2.6 million rupees on black magic to win the cup) than the FIFA world cup! (that's soccer btw).

So yes, who was kicking butts? Pakistan and-
"Wait isn't that in the middle east where the terraists live?" "
"The terraists? "
"Yeah! You know the terrrraists!"
"Uh, no?"
"Yes! The Talibans, dummy!"
"Yes, and I'm marrying Prince Charming next week."
"OMG, you liar!"
"That's right."

Back to cricket! India was there too, but lately Pakistan's been a world favorite for obvious reasons i.e. It's always in the headlines, they're the reason so many newsless news channels are still in business, c'mon you knew that right? RIGHT?
Wait you didn't see the news about the suicide blast at the KESC office yesterday? The officials claimed it was a short circuit problem which got out of control and burned the entire office, but we know it was the damn terrorists! Or wait, what about the 50 people killed last week by the ruling national party? they said it was target killing, but it was on "Terrorism Watch" last night! Or what about the ten people that drowned in the Arabian sea? That was also on "Terrorism Watch" this evening! They say the boat drowned because it was made to carry a load of two passengers max, but we know it was the damn terrorists drilling holes in boats to kill innocent people! Latest! Billary Blington was visiting Islamabad, she tripped and broke her wrist, that's been on the news all morning, Al-Qaeda claimed responsibility for that one. Yep, I saw it on Hoax News, swear! Can't trust these terrorists, they're everywhere! So be it Cable ConFEWS Network, British Broads Corporation, or sadly even Hoax News (They love Muslims, remember!) they all love to report about the Pakistanis.
Back to Cricket!
So there goes Pakistan, blasting (relax) through the tournament.

The ICC World Cup fever had reached a never before witnessed peak, even the CIA Chief Peon Lanetta was watching it, but then that's his job, keeping an eye on those two-faced Pakis! Damn! they beat England! they're our number one ally, gotta report it the POTUS! How dare these Pakis play ball when they should be helping our military kill their own people!?

Whilst, Mr Bamana too had been conquered by the cricket fever!
"I'm betting the entire nation of Iraq on this match, if America loses, we invade them!"
"Mr Bamana,I'm sorry to say but Mr Douche beat you to that, and America isn't even playing!"
"Oh, right, I meant Iran, wait, we're not? Then who are those people playing in blue and white?"
"That's India, sir"
"Oh, good good, this will keep the Pakistanis busy while we carry out our covert operation, "Freedom Pakistan!"
"Meaning no disrespect, but Pakistan is a free country, sir"
"You are not fit to be the chief of CIA, I shall replace you with Billary Blington!"
"SIR! let me keep my job, and I shall make sure you win another term as POTUS!"
"And how do you plan to achieve that?"
"I'll give you Osamana, and Pakistan!"
"You swear?"
"Cross my heart!"
"Good, now you can go tell the First Lady to start looking for a new gown for my new term!"
"Sir, I have inside news Kate Kiddleton will be wearing Vera Wang!"
"Good, now let the game begin! India Vs Pakistan, I'm betting Egypt on this one! teehee"

People world over are tentatively watching the World Cup, expecting one of the Pakistani players to spontaneously blow up and kill everyone. Just kidding. The Indians are scared though, they don't know if they want victory or the entire Pakistani nation uniting as one against them: the Sindhis, the Muhajirs, the Panjabis, the Pakhtoons, the Balochis, and the Kashmiris, it's like...they're all brothers!
While news casters around the globe are confused, they don't know what new tragedy to report, "but these our are number one terrorists!" they say, "how are we suppose to menace the public now, they can't live in peace, they'll die from boredom and we'll lose our viewers, and no one will hate the Muslims!"
Meanwhile, the audiences world over are more confused,  "aren't these the same people who were literally blowing the brains out of each other?" they're asking each other. The sudden change! Impossible! Yes, Possible! What could be the reason for such unity and brotherliness? Hoax News reports its an Islamist conspiracy to blow up the world! ISLAMIST FUNDAMENTALISTS! AHHH!! They've finally united and now they'll blow us all up! But wait, they're waving green and white flags, minus the threatening sword and Arabic words, phew. Nationalistic pride, we can live with that.

And through all this what's the reaction of the Pakistanis regarding the ICC World Cup? Pawned News Pakistan reports-
'Huge gatherings today were witnessed across various masajids, the worshippers were frequently heard chanting slogans such as "Pakistan Zindabaad", "Hindustaan murdabaad",  "Pakistan Jeetayga!" "Death to Amreeka!"'

Now let's take you inside the homes of the Pakistani people;


"Ammi, today's Pakistan's match against New Zealand, wake me up for Fajr prayer!"
"But beta, you never wake up that early"

"Hey guys, let's go pray before the next inning starts, InshaAllah Allaah will grant us victory then!"
"Beta, don't worry, Allaah mian will guide us to victory against India, after all we're Muslims!"

Back to Pawned News, now let's take a short break, to watch our entertainment segment, presenting, Sheela Ki Jeewani, India's number ONE hit!

Of course, it doesn't matter the other side has an estimated population of 160 million Muslims, because they're not proper muslims! They're not? NAH-UH! They emulate the Hindus, become big movie stars and marry the kuffaar hindus and everyone knows you'll only go to heaven if you side with the Amrikans!
"What if you don't?"
"Don't what?"
"You know, side with the 'Amrikans'?"
*bites nails, looks over shoulder*
"Shhh! they'll bomb us in to medieval times, brother!"
"Aren't they already doing that?"
"No, they're only bombing Waziristan, that's okay, it's in Afghanistan"

And Dr Gawking concludes his study with the following:
"As witnessed through the ICC World Cup tournament, and the "Arab Uprising" I shall dispel the previously held notion that Muslims are bonded by Islam, it is not by the religion of Islam that these people unite, but out of fierce nationalistic pride and ego, as witnessed amongst the Pakistani people, and the Egyptian people, the Tunisians and Libyans and the rest of the Muslim world, where masses united under their respective national flags to rebel against dictatorships for better dictators, with the help of dear old Uncle Sam".

For surely, what will we do without ye?

CIA Chief Peon Lanetta immediately called for a small celebration at Dr Gawking's latest study. Amongst the invitees were:
Pony Player
Kemal Ataturk
Ariel Sharon
Prime Minister Nothingyahoo
Pin Abdullah
Busharraf
Former POTUS Douche Sr and Jr
Queen of Englistaan
Cosby Mubarak
Sir Rush Die
and...
the million dollar question is.........WHO will Michelle Banama be wearing tonight?!

Don't forget to catch the celebration live on Hoax News tonight!